The worst time to plan a funeral is when you have to plan a funeral.
This simple truth hits differently when you’re sitting in a funeral home three days after losing someone you love, trying to make decisions about flowers, music, and memorial services while your heart is breaking.
Yet this is exactly when most people are forced to navigate these overwhelming choices, during the rawest moments of grief.
What if there was a different way? What if planning for death could be transformed from a dreaded necessity into a meaningful act of self-care and love for those we’ll leave behind?
Death Planning as Life Planning
Most of us approach end-of-life planning like a legal checklist: get a will, sign some papers, maybe mention to someone where the important documents are stored. But this approach misses something crucial; it fails to honour the full spectrum of who we are and what we value.
Death’s Apprentice founder Christa Ovenell puts it perfectly: “Don’t just name someone to speak on your behalf. Make sure they know what to say.” This is the heart of truly thoughtful end-of-life planning; it’s not just about the legal framework, but about ensuring our loved ones understand our wishes, values, and the legacy we want to leave behind.
When we plan ahead, we:
- Reduce decision fatigue during grief: Our loved ones won’t have to guess what we would have wanted
- Honour our authentic selves: We can choose rituals and celebrations that truly reflect who we are
- Create clarity in chaos: Clear plans eliminate family confusion and potential conflicts
- Transform death from mystery to manageable: Planning removes the unknown and gives us agency over our final chapter
The Ripple Effects of Preparation
Consider the difference between these two scenarios:
Scenario 1: A family gathers after an unexpected death, frantically trying to piece together what their loved one would have wanted. They argue over burial versus cremation, struggle to write an obituary that captures their person’s essence, and cobble together a funeral that feels generic and incomplete.
Scenario 2: A family opens a carefully prepared folder or box containing not just legal documents, but heartfelt letters explaining choices, detailed wishes for the celebration of life, favourite poems to be read, and even song suggestions for the playlist. The grief is still profound, but it’s not compounded by uncertainty and stress.
Which family is better equipped to focus on what matters most, supporting each other through loss and celebrating a life well-lived?
Beyond Legal Documents: Holistic End-of-Life Planning
True end-of-life planning encompasses far more than wills and healthcare directives. It includes:
The Practical Elements:
- Body disposition preferences and reasoning behind the choice
- Funeral or celebration of life details
- Obituary guidance and key stories to include
- Financial account information and instructions
- Digital asset management and social media wishes
The Meaningful Elements:
- Letters to loved ones explaining your choices
- Values and beliefs that should guide decisions
- Stories and memories you want preserved
- Rituals or ceremonies that reflect your spiritual beliefs
- Your definition of a “good death” and how to honour it
The Legacy Elements:
- What you want to be remembered for
- Causes or organizations that matter to you
- Wisdom you want to pass down
- Unfinished projects and how to handle them
- The impact you hope to have had on the world
An Invitation to Transform Your Relationship with Mortality
This October and November, funeral celebrant and end-of-life doula Megan Sheldon is partnering with funeral director and death educator Christa Ovenell to offer something truly special: a four-week virtual retreat and End of Life Planning Course that connects “the head with the heart when considering the end-of-life.”
This isn’t your typical estate planning seminar. The course is designed as “a life and death changing experience” that invites participants to explore, define and craft your end-of-life plans and your living legacy as we contemplate our mortality within a community of care.
Over four thoughtfully designed workshops, participants will:
- Connect with others on the same journey (October 4th)
- Explore the Before – what to consider and plan ahead of time (October 18th)
- Navigate the During – how to bring intention to end-of-life moments (October 25th)
- Honour the After – funeral planning and legacy creation (November 1st)
What sets this retreat apart is its holistic approach. As past participant Janet Armstrong shared: “This was a wonderful combination of ‘head’ and ‘heart’. I now feel more confident in ensuring my paperwork is done well, and living each day fully, making a positive impact on my community.”
Why Community Matters in Death Planning
One of the most powerful aspects of addressing end-of-life planning in a group setting is the permission it gives us to have conversations that are often avoided. The retreat creates “an inclusive, brave space designed for people who want to live intentionally while also preparing for their own death.”
In our death-avoidant culture, many people feel isolated in their mortality concerns. Having a supportive community removes the taboo and transforms what can feel like morbid preparation into meaningful life work.
As participant Betsy Alkenbrack noted: “I came to this with a very loosely articulated legacy and End of Life plan. I left with tools and inspiration to carry the plan forward. I was nurtured by caring, interesting, motivated people to share my journey.”
The Time is Now
We often think of end-of-life planning as something for “later”: when we’re older, sicker, or closer to death. But the truth is, planning ahead is beneficial at any age and stage of life. Young parents need to consider who would raise their children. Middle-aged adults want to ensure their values guide medical decisions. Older adults can craft the legacy they want to leave behind.
The retreat welcomes people of all ages and stages of life who want to contemplate their mortality and approach end-of-life topics with care and compassion. It’s for anyone who recognizes that planning for death is actually planning for life, ensuring that our final chapter reflects our authentic selves and serves as a final gift to those we love.
Your Invitation to Plan Ahead
The worst time to plan a funeral is when you have to plan a funeral. The best time is now, when you can think clearly, involve your loved ones in the conversation, and approach the topic with intention rather than emergency.
Megan and Christa’s End of Life Planning Course offers a unique opportunity to transform your relationship with mortality and create a comprehensive plan that honors both your practical needs and your deepest values.
Join this transformative four-week journey this October and November. Learn more and register at beceremonial.com and discover more about Christa’s work at deathsapprentice.ca.
Because the greatest gift you can give your loved ones isn’t just a plan for your death; it’s the peace of mind that comes from knowing they’ll be able to honour your life exactly as you would have wanted.
