No one tells us about the invisible grief of motherhood. The many unspoken moments along this journey that contain invisible grief – moments we aren’t sure how to talk about, let alone acknowledge with ritual.
And yet, it’s incredibly important to honour the big and small moments of change we face along the way, finding ways to process our grief alongside our gratitude.
The narrative of motherhood often thrives on the big moments of change – first words, first steps, first kiss – these milestones etch themselves onto our hearts in vivid detail.
Yet, motherhood also happens in the quiet moments, the unseen transitions that hold a hidden weight and quiet grief that can accompany times of change.
Invisible Moments of Motherhood
These are the moments we often don’t acknowledge, such as:
- The last breast or bottle feeding session as we wean our child.
- The bittersweet smile watching them walk into kindergarten.
- The bittersweet graduation ceremony, celebrating and mourning the passage of time.
- The first slammed door, the first argument, the first taste of independence.
- The last time their small hand fits perfectly in ours.
- The silent space at the table once filled with bedtime stories.
These are the invisible goodbyes, the unspoken griefs that deserve space. Motherhood, after all, thrives on complexity. We can hold immense love and pride alongside a quiet sense of loss.
Within these moments lies an opportunity. By acknowledging these unseen moments with intention, we create space for deeper connection, validate our complex emotions, and ultimately, celebrate the ever-evolving journey of motherhood.
The key to navigating these emotions lies in acknowledging them.
Here’s where the power of ritual and ceremony comes in. By creating space to honour these transitions, we validate our feelings and allow ourselves to process the grief without pushing it down.
Rituals for the Invisible Goodbyes
- The Weaning Ceremony: Prepare a special meal for your child and yourself. Share stories about your breastfeeding journey, expressing gratitude for the time spent together.
- The Kindergarten Send-Off: Create a time capsule together filled with drawings, favourite toys, and a letter expressing your love and excitement for their new adventure.
- The Graduation Ritual: Plant a tree together, symbolizing the growth they’ve achieved and the new chapter they’re about to embark on.
- The First Fight Ritual: Write a letter expressing your love and setting boundaries. You can then burn or bury it symbolically, signifying letting go of the hurt and focusing on rebuilding stronger.
- The Bedtime Story Legacy Box: When your child outgrows bedtime stories, create a legacy box. Put away their favorite stories, along with a letter detailing the memories you shared. This can be revisited when they become parents themselves.
These are just a few ideas – you can choose from hundreds of rituals in the Be Ceremonial app and create ceremonies that are personal and meaningful to you and your child. From ending Breastfeeding to celebrating a Birth Anniversaries, Coming-of-Age to Menarche, there are so many ways to acknowledge the invisible moments with meaning.
Holding Space for Complexity in Motherhood
The magic of these rituals lies in acknowledging the complexity of motherhood. We can simultaneously feel immense joy at our child’s growth and a tinge of sadness at the passing of a stage. The ritual allows us to embrace both emotions with grace.
By honouring these moments, we don’t diminish the joy of the milestones. Instead, we create a richer tapestry of motherhood, woven with threads of acceptance, gratitude, and the quiet beauty of the unseen moments. So listen for the whispers and create your own rituals to celebrate the ever-evolving journey of motherhood, in all its complexity and wonder.
Motherhood is a constant dance between holding on and letting go. By honouring both sides, we navigate the journey with more grace and a heart full of love, acceptance, and gratitude.
Explore our platform to find more ways to bring ritual and ceremony into your motherhood journey. You can also connect with Jessie Harrold who is doing phenomenal work in this space.
